A Not-So-Wonderful Life
by randomedness
Summary: The Harvest Goddess has disappeared and the land is in decline. It's up to Pony to return the Goddess and save the valley. Unfortunately things are always easier in theory. Some elements from hmds blended in for a better story. Some new things added because we've all played the game and things would be boring otherwise


"You could at least _start_ filling out the paperwork" Pony said.

The air was thick with tension. To the outside observer, this would look like a normal meeting. The Mayor was discussing the sale of a dilapidated farm to a young woman that seemed almost perfect for it. She was confident and outgoing, and came with a history of ranching and farming.

"Now, now. The rightful owner could come bursting through those doors. We must wait until the deadline has passed" Mayor Thomas replied, being deliberately and unhelpfully bureaucratic. He knew who the girl really was. Her resume and references were painstakingly crafted to seem as qualified as possible, her documents carefully forged, and her backstory memorised and repeated so many times that it almost seemed as if she was starting to believe it. While she did have experience farming, in fact many years more than her youthful appearance would suggest, it was not quite willing. Today she had been sent to Thomas under strict orders to do whatever it took to save the goddess of this land and Thomas had decided that he would not make things easy for her.

And so, the uncomfortable atmosphere in the room only grew as the unyielding mayor and the irritated farmer sat on either side of a rather pointless impasse that had begun at 9 o'clock that morning and at 5 minutes to 6 was finally showing signs of ending.

Unfortunately it was not going to end the way Pony had hoped as at that moment the doors violently swung open and very out of breath man fell face first to the floor, followed immediately by a floppy eared dog.

"Careful, the doors are lighter than they look" a bemused Thomas warned.

"I'm here about the farm" the man said, apparently pretending that hadn't just happened. "LonLon ranch in Forget-Me-Not Valley" he clarified in case there was an abundance of empty farms. "My father left it to me"

"Perfect timing, you must be Mark. Take a seat and we can start on the paperwork" Thomas' grin was a sight to behold as he pointedly ignored Ponys protests that she'd been waiting all gods-damned day for nothing thanks to his pedantic rules lawyering.

"you know, five more minutes and we'd have been forced to sell the land" Thomas stated, cheerfully rubbing salt in the wound.

"Sorry, I wasn't going to claim it but then I realised I'd never really tried farming and thought "why not?"" Mark said blithely. Pony looked like she was about to scream.

"Sorry, you just decided to take over an entire farm with no experience?" She asked slowly.

"It can't be that hard, just stick some seeds in the ground and put a bunch of animals on grass. Nothing to it"

Pony stared blankly, hoping that Thomas would see sense.

"Now that's a can-do attitude. With a little guidance from your fathers old farm hand, I can't see any reason not to give you your inheritance. Sign here please" Thomas was beaming as he handed over a stack of papers.

"Now, why don't I show you your new farm"

* * *

"what"

Mark was staring in horror at the mess of overgrown weeds and tangled trees. On one side of the land was a particularly sad looking building. Half of its windows were smashed and those that weren't were clinging on for dear life in their rotted frames. Weathered paint was peeling off the walls, this could be seen as a desperate attempt by the house to shed the sickly grey-brown colour that may once have been cheerful and bright but had been washed and bleached by years of neglect. The roof was missing tiles and was sagging in such a way that it appeared as though the house was frowning. Despite this it still glowed in comparison to the rickety barn standing on the other end. Standing was perhaps too generous a word as it stood in the same way a drunk stands after their ninth round. Some wooden scaffolding had been attached to prevent the long overdue collapse of this barn but this would only last so long as even the gentle spring breeze caused it to groan and creak. Marks dog took the opportunity to explore the long grass and abandoned him in pursuit of adventure.

"what the actual f..." Mark started but unfortunately could not finish as a rather territorial cow chose that moment to come barrelling through an old fence directly towards him.

Pony, who had followed them in an effort to get her job application back on track, looked passively at the screaming farmer before turning to the Mayor.

"You couldn't've cleaned up the place first?"

"It's not my job to clean someone else's farm. It's bad enough I have to deal with the shipping" Thomas grimaced "I knew I should've picked scissors" he muttered. With that he walked across the field towards a slightly better kept shack and knocked on the door.

"Takakura, you had better be in there"

An old man with the biggest eyebrows pony had ever seen walked out and tried to hide the fact he was rolling his eyes.

"Mayor Thomas, it's not often we see you out in the valley. Did you get lost on the way to Romanas?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm here escorting the new farmer, do you remember Mark?" Thomas explained, ignoring the slight against him

"Not seen him since he was a boy, he's changed a lot though". Takakura looked Pony up and down

"He's over there" Pony gestured to the man climbing a tree to escape the cows continued wrath. "I'm Pony. I was supposed to buy the farm before he got here"

Mark screamed as the branch he was on cracked and fell to the ground.

"Might still get it if the cow has her way" she carried on flippantly.

"Bessie _NO_ " Takakura took off to the mans rescue. Pony casually walked over and helped Mark off the ground while Takakura shooed the cow away.

"Well with the danger over, I'd best take my leave. Good luck with your new farm. I'm sure Takakura will be happy to show you the ropes. Pony, I wish you the best with whatever it is you're doing here. Bye" and with that the Mayor turned around and began to walk away.

The trio stared at the rapidly disappearing mayor, who looked like there was nothing at all out of the ordinary about swindling a worker sent by the harvest god out of her job, sending a woefully unprepared farmer to a ranch that was in the process of being taken over by plants and dumping them both on a farm hand who had very much been looking forward to his retirement.

Pony saw red and immediately took off after him, a large hammer appeared out of nowhere in her hand and she brought it down upon Thomas. In an unexpected display of agility Thomas dodged out of the way.

"Please, I suffered a similar attack in Mineral Town. You'll have to try harder than that"

In the blink of an eye Ponys hammer morphed into a sickle; followed by a hoe, and then an axe, as she furiously tried to land a blow on the deceptively fast public official. Mark, seeking to take advantage of the Mayors distracted state, grabbed the first thing he could find and joined the fight. Unfortunately, this happened to be a watering can, but Pony appreciated the support. The Mayor collapsed into a fit of laughter

"My gods this is just terrible. Compered to Mineral Towns farmer you're both useless"

Mark's dog, who had returned upon hearing the commotion, decided that he didn't like that and set off to defend his masters honour.

 _"AAAAAAH HELP MEEEEE_ " the Mayor screamed as the dog tore through his jacket. Takakura sighed, evidently tired of rescuing idiots from irate animals for the day.

"Don't look at me. I'm no good with dogs"

Pony and Mark shrugged at each other

"GET YOUR STUPID MUTT OFF OF ME" The mutt took offence to that and redoubled his efforts to attack the man.

"he's not actually mine you know. He started following me on my way to the town" Mark explained, being deliberately and unhelpfully pedantic.


End file.
